hot-headed and stupid

Today while doing an essay on Aristotle, I figured out why I dislike Asian men.

It's because I know I'm 10000000x better in bed and at romance and just being a general badass machine of sexy awesomeness than any asian man.

You can count on it. I'm not joking. I'm fucking awesome. Look at this hair. It's long and silky and has three finishing products in it. Look at this smile. It oozes confidence and charm. Look at this smoldering gaze. It lures you in and makes you want to discover my mysterious depths. Look at these boobs. They're perfectly proportioned.

I'm hotter than a baby polar bear in Tahiti in July. With sunglasses.

Also, the bitching from their girlfriends about how much their boyfriends suck just makes me want to slap them in the face. Stupid hos need to stfu.

WHY DON'T GIRLS LIKE ME?!?!?!?!!!!!!11one

more importantly, why do lesbians hate me

The key to staying up all night doing politics papers: CIGARETTES.

IT'S SO OBVIOUS.

-10 paged paper on China-Taiwan cross-strait conflict
-10 paged paper on Aristotle's The Politics
-2 5 paged papers on international political economy

Due Monday. Here I go.

TWO MORE. AAAMG LUCKY STRIKES :9 :9 :9

12/7 6:37 AM ONE MORE. OMFG I HAVE LESS THAT 12 HOURS. I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN DAYS.

12/7 4:48 OMFG IM DONE

Someone stuck me in the ER and plugged me full of IVs.

I hate life.

So weeks after I get my swine flu shot,

I get a fever and headache.

Fantastic.

I'M INVINCIBLE.

Sex during midterm week?

Horrible idea.

Late night paper-writing.

I've been doing it wrong.

Coffee does not work.

Use loud music instead.

5 days and--

Not enough sleep.

OhmyfuckinggodIjustneed3morepagesandIthinkIcaughtacold.

Fuck you Plato. Fuck. You.

Hello ten paged paper on Plato's Republic.

Hello  six paged essay on role of ideology in Sino-Soviet collapse of communist camaraderie

Hello in class exam on a bunch of shit I do not know

Oh God, I want to cry.
------

I'll edit this and finish this l8er. Butt rape by Socrates makes me want dinner.

Every midterm week during Fall Quarter, I get like this.

I start really REALLY missing community college. EVERYTHING WAS SO BLOODY EASY. WTF was an "upper division" class? WE DIDNT HAVE ANY. It was like a school that only taught GEs. Oh wait.

Literally, I spent my entire sophomore year drunk, and when it was all over all of a sudden I woke up in the Santa Cruz mountains with a huge hangover, someone licking my ear, my clothes gone, and a 4.0 GPA going WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED.

that someone was my girlfriend, don't get any adventurous ideas about me

When I was little I broke my arm. Halfway around the world, my grandma woke up in the middle of the night to call my parents because she was convinced something had happened to me.

At first I thought my politics class would help me get over how much I hate my own race.

Now, it just compounds how shameful I feel because holy crap we're a bunch of physical and theoretical murderers and cannibals and it's fucking disgusting.

I think the only people I hate more than the Chinese are the Koreans.

On that note, there's something really repugnant about being arrogant enough to look back on your history, and know that's where your family comes from, and thus where you come from, and still have the gall to say that you're better than all these countless of people who came before you to produce who you are today.

My mother just tells me that I can't escape where I come from and it only makes me look more stupid in the long run.

But isn't that the biggest tragedy? That my grandparents are dying but I've forgotten how to speak, and although this is the last time we'll ever see each other, I can't even say thanks for everything you've given me.

I wonder if I've traded one addiction for another. Well at least this one is slightly less loser-ish. Only by this much though <--->

My girlfriend, meanwhile, is zapping elves with lava bolts going "LEVEL 80! IMMA SHAMAN, BITCH! AHAHAAHHA" It's kind of hot.

You should see her talk tech stuff. Nerds get me hot, stfu.

I've just realized that I didn't drink today. I wonder if I would write better if I were sober. I think so. Maybe I'll try it out.

I think seriously, honest to God, I have the best playlists of all time. I'm kind of a music snob now. It's really annoying to everyone around me. I feel bad for you all. I went on this Ladyhawke/Cut Copy kick a while ago, and left for "post-rock" instrumentals for writing, and now I'm back to Empire of the Sun/Cut Copy and it's freaking out my girlfriend because dude those music videos don't make any fucking sense, you need to be stoned or something.

I'm really into Russian Circles and If These Trees Could Talk. Man these bands have the greatest names.

Oh, and I tried listening to Godspeed (Godspeed You!Black Emperor, not the other Godspeed). Like what the fuck. At the risk of being assassinated by angry art-culture lesbians, I'm going to say that that shit sucked.

Wat?

I wanted to know wtf a 2chan was. So I looked it up. And came across this pathetic excuse of a love story.

I can't believe people take this blatant lie and use it to justify their own ridiculous excuse of an existence. I'm ashamed for the people who actually want to believe in it.

Here's some real love advice for all the 30+ year old mouthbreathers out there who don't read this emotionally cathartic LJ. You want girls to look at you? You fucking work for it. You cut your hair, you take a shower, you stop wearing what your mommy gives you and you go out and get a life. Nobody wastes their time on people who can't even get a sentence out.

It's really pathetic when people think that being nice or doing "noble self-sacrificing acts" (good god, can nerds get anymore pretentious?) will get you anything. Or that being a social retard from the dregs of civilization is all justifiable because you have a "good heart" or you're a "good guy". WTF does that even mean? Take your disgusting fantasties someplace where no one can see them because it's embarrassing.

I've been taken out by nice guys. You know what "nice guy" means? It means "Joanne, go back to being a lesbian." No, I'm joking. It means hi, I'm socially inept and don't know how act appropriately on dates, I'm extremely insecure and rightly so because since I don't see women very often I'm going to latch onto you and be a needy little bitch.

That muscle-bound freak who was 10 years older than me and was borderline pushy-asshole was significantly more enjoyable by 12343295792%, and I probably would have laid him on the first date if I wasn't you know, gay.

Nice guys don't even get to finish last. They fall into a ditch, die, and feed the maggots and flies.

Frankly, girls who also say that they like "nice" or "sensitive" people are not only completely brainless, but likely to be the biggest whores around. Which is good for me.

Publicizing personal weaknesses, strangely, makes me very angry. It must be all the self-righteousness.

OMG GLEE I LUV U

This show has taken over my life.

My tastes have matured but I don't think my skill has.

I make my girlfriend read all my stuff and tell me if I'm writing bullshit or not. She likes to read--I mean REALLY LIKES TO READ--bunches of novels at once. I think she goes to bookstores more than I do.

But she's hesitant to offer advise, because for some reason she thinks that you need intensive writing experience to read something and give an honest opinion. In truth, she plotted out my entire plot hooks, story arcs, and devices.

So right now she's my sole audience before I gather enough courage to publish something online. (I tried submitting it 3 times, each time I spent 15-30 minutes staring at the "publish" button before closing window)

On that note, deviantart text formatting is the stupidest shit I've ever seen.

And FF.Net (and its affiliated websites) is fucking retarded.

Young Mountain
This Will Destroy You

This album has changed my life.

If you have a soul, sample a song on iTunes. It'll make you want to burn all your possessions and run screaming into the night. In a good way. In a tragically good way.

It's not study music. Unless you consider sitting in the corner of your school library with your face buried in your neo-liberal institutionalism economic theory textbook crying your eyes out while your schoolmates look on in absolute horror as studying.

It does put you in a terrifyingly creative mood though. Incredibly inconvenient if you want to write something while having 200+ pages of reading to do by the next day.

I'm 20 years old and I really wish I had more to show for myself.

I've decided to go back to writing, because I've realized that I can't write anymore and if things go south I can at least drown my misery in something other than the obvious. No one will ever see it; I have a profound fear of people I know reading the stuff I write.

I've also quit drinking. For the time being.

I can't meet up with friends tomorrow for some concert in SF but my phone died so I can't reach them. I'm getting up early tomorrow so I can drive over and tell them I can't make it before going back to SC to finish reading Thucydides. Is this stupid? Yes. Is it better than being an inconsiderate friend? Hopefully so.

Thucydides is boring as fuck, by the way.

Come on, story. Write yourself.

America has very crass ideas about beauty. And acting ability. Megan Fox is a very small example.

I hate keeping up with pop culture. More often than not I find myself wanting to scream ARE YOU SERIOUSLY BUYING THIS. Not ironically, I usually have the same thoughts during social situations. There's always that one douchebag and plenty of slavering idiots.

I wonder if it bothers people how easily they're sold into things.

I hate it when guys hit on me. But I think that's more to do with the type of guys that I've been around recently, rather than guys in general. I have no talent for women, ironic but not regrettable.

I'm also amazed at how easily I've grown to hate my father, how sad I am for my mother, and how utterly disgusted I am of my brother. But familial love remains unconditional, yeah? I firmly believe that you can measure a person's character quite accurately by looking at their family. Anyone who tells others otherwise is delusional. With this is mind, my future looks rather bleak. I can't put into words how much I hate where I come from.

Having money is very nice though.

After Fall Quarter I'm going to Japan for a month. You know I'll be back with a bunch of Totoros.

I don't expect anything except lots of awkwardness. I don't speak an ounce of Japanese and I've never seriously attempted to because hey, have you ever heard really badly accented Japanese? Sounds like linguistic barf. No thanks, homie. And no one in Nao's family speaks English except her sister and super-hot cousin. Hello socially awkward situation, my name is I'm-The-Dirty-American-Porking-Your-Little-Sister/Cousin, please don't bitch slap me or delibarately mistranslate my conversations to your parents.

This is actually a lot more stressful for me than I truly let on.

Today, while trying to wean myself from my WoW addiction, I found my OTP. It belongs to ATLA and involves crazy emotionally-barren pyrokinetic girls. FML

Also, Nao doesn't know who Edith Piaf is. But she does know who Edif Pilaf is.

I got really drunk last night and spent the night singing Journey songs. Thank you, Glee.

I love my french press. It's my new BFFF. It makes me orgasmic coffee in 5 minutes flat. Automatic coffee machines can go suck it. Plus, it's easy. Easy as "one, two three". Which is great for retards like me.

Step 1: Make coffee
Step 2: add milk
Step 3: HAVE THE BEST FUCKING CUP OF COFFEE IN YOUR LIFE

Red Sparowes (yes, I spelled that correctly) is my new favorite band. Their songs are beautiful and make me want to cry. In short, pure unadultered emo-ness via powerful and haunting guitar riffs. They also have the longest song titles in the world. I suggest their album, "Every Red Heart Shines Towards the Red Sun".

I want to create something beautiful. I'm sure this feeling is universal. I'm sure that this was the sole driving force behind the long anthropological history of mankind. I'm sure this is what drove us from the muds of ancient rivers, onto two legs, and forward into the cold winds and blinding sun. We are not beautiful creatures. I want to tear away these generations  and say yes, I am significant. I will carve my legacy--not upon golden monuments--but within lines of desert rock.

Today, I realized the biggest thing I look forward to during summer is washing my car.

With the new set of microfiber towels that I bought, on sale at Target.

Sad, Joanne, just plain sad.